Exhibit 1: Black Friday shoppers
CRIKEY! Look at the homo-sapiens tear the cellophane with their manicured nails, diving into the body of the crates to extract the juiciest deals. Note the excited yells from the mother to the right of the screen at the beginning as she pushes her offspring into the crowd of carnivorous consumers. Will there be enough to go around? How will the runts of the group react when the quickest and most agile have devoured all the raw deals selfishly, leaving the rest defeated and dead inside? Will their children cry and beat their parents into submission for not being “alpha” enough to provide adequate presents for another year of holiday jeers?
I stand at a proud four feet, eleven inches. Waiting in normal lines at the bookstore sends my heart into slight, agoraphobic palpitations. Inevitably, a tall man or woman will stand mere inches away from me in line, proceeding to creep forward every time I try to reclaim my sense of personal space. Putting myself into the middle of a Black Friday shop-a-thon would be suicide, yet I would more than likely resort to pure survival instincts (or homicidal tactics, depending on your political affiliation) involving grabbing individuals’ ankles should they be stepping over me in the event that I become trampled by a stampeded of wild humans. Time and time again it has been proven that voluntarily walking into one of these events can result in a serious injury or death. Ranker.com compiles a pretty good list of the most horrific Black Friday events. People die or are injured each year, and yet it seems there are no preventive measures taken to insure safety.
Exhibit 2: This is a blatant fire hazard. Where are the fire marshals to enforce the human to space ratio? Sure, we heard about pepper-spray incidents and people being trampled to death, but all it takes is ONE fire during a Black Friday, killing and/or seriously disfiguring almost everyone in the store, to prompt some real outrage at the mindless mob-mentality encouraged every year.
Consumerism! With deals as great as these, it doesn’t matter if your life is in danger.
In the meantime, Occupy LA faces eviction, as of 12:01 tonight. Those protesters and Black Friday addicts are all part of the 99%. While the message of “Occupy” has gained traction, it is obvious capitalism still has a frightening capacity to offer more hardcore evidence to some of Darwin’s theories. I don’t know what I find more tragic: the unnecessary and unwarranted eviction of people in Occupy encampments, or the minimal existence of humanity that sweeps over the USA every Black Friday like a cloud of smoke used to subdue said protesters. (Granted, all occupy protesters should be cleaning up after themselves, throwing trash away and recycling accordingly. It’s just manners.) This is a perfect societal conundrum.
Exhibit 3: My final Pièce de résistance, compiled from YouTube videos for the sole purpose of visual, social commentary.
We haven’t really evolved much, have we?