My friend Joey over at Average Joe Art suggested that I create a Twitter to help build a larger reader-base and increase my chances of getting some writing published in a professional venue. I am very particular when it comes to technology and social networking. For example, I refuse to purchase any Apple products. I got my first iPod when I was 24 for free and I justify my near constant usage of it based on the zero dollars and zero cents I paid for it. It can’t hold a charge for shit, but you get what you pay for. I also don’t game on consoles anymore, unless it’s the N64 I have sitting in my closet that I bring out for special occasions involving foods with no nutritional value and hard alcohol. (Fuck you, red ring of death!) I’m married to my custom rig, built with the love of blood and the sweat of tears, or something like that. Lastly, I’ve refused to get a Twitter, which I affectionately call Twatter, – which also means all my tweets are actually twats – since its inception. Now I find myself staring at this thing with @ signs and these things called hash-tags that only make me hungry for hash-browns with a boatload of ketchup. Can I sue Twitter if it makes me fat? If this man can sue McDonald’s for making him fat, I should be able to sue Twitter on the grounds of personal stupidity.
I’ve steered away from Twitter mainly because of all the moronic bullshit people post with spelling errors and bad grammar. I did join for a whole 10 minutes two years ago, but all I wanted to do was take a big red pen to my monitor and correct EVERYTHING. Right now, there is a World Wide Trend for #YouKnowYouUglyWhen. Some are pretty funny, like “your Birth certificate is actually an apology letter from Trojan” from @Skelleteen. That made me chuckle a little bit. (I don’t know if he made it up all by himself, so he only gets a chuckle.) Then there are a few party poopers like @AlexPosts who wrote “Please stop making hateful trends. Everyone is beautiful”. No, not everyone is beautiful. Have you seen Ke$ha? Still, I can see where he is coming from. This trending topic would actually be of some minute importance if it had correct grammar in the hash-tag.
I must take this moment to congratulate @1981THROWBACK for using ‘you’re’ incorrectly in his hash-tag post. Most people get it wrong the other way around, so kudos to you for being a unique idiot. I have an idea for a new trending topic: #youknowyouranidoitwhen…
So, back to Twitter as the whole entity it is. After being on it for two hours, I have 6 followers, I reported 2 as spam bots, and I feel like I have tourettes with all the random things I am yelling out at my computer screen.
- Went to ‘like’ a tweet. Forgot I wasn’t on Facebook.
- Holy fuck! I can follow Bob Saget on Twitter?!
- I have another follower! Shit, never mind. Fucking spam bot…
- To follow or not to follow Kim Kardashian…not follow.
- WordPress wants to auto correct Kardashian to Guardianship. Ironic.
- @ and #. Blackmail just got easier.
- How often do I have to use this thing? The thought of posting a million fucking updates every day makes me want to slit my throat.
- I can’t decide if this empty feeling inside is just Twitter induced confusion or a void where my soul used to be.